haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
