I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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