yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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