his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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