i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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