Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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