theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
