i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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