In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
