I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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