that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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