Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
