We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
