Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
