You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
