I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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