this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
