Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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