Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
