wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
