We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
