nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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