Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we made out on top of his cat.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
