yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
