Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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