Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
