he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
