I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
