I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
