I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Welp...herpes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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