My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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