Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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