You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
