I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
