Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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