He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
