i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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