Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
