It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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