I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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