he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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