I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
