Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize