I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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