as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
