Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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