Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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