Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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