your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
