corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
