If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
