you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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