I just cut my nipple shaving
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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