My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
