you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize