Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize