I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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