Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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