woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
