Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
