it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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