I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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