Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
