the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
