he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
