Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
