Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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