my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
