At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
