Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
