also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
