i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
