First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
