Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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