we have pet lesbian snakes
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
