eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you traded sex for a burrito?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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