literally had 100 drinks last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
