Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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