You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
