Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
