it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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