I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
